Being a Christian Can Suck

At first, it's like a honeymoon, but then time for school and it's not fun. Put on your seat belt and buckle up.

Oxford Nordberg

6/4/20244 min read

Deciding to truly, whole heartedly, commit 100% of yourself to Jesus Christ and our Abba, for me is not an easy task. I can’t speak for anyone else, but my desire to put God and his will first is a daunting task. First, there is no one else like God and his son. There is no one you can compare them too. There isn’t one person on this earth that can love you no matter what. Never hold a grudge, never bring up all your flaws, is slow to anger and eager to listen to your every word.

So, how do you live knowing that there is someone there just like that? Unless your 100% selfish and somewhat narcissistic your conscience will get the best of you. Everyone loves attention or admiration if it doesn’t trigger their fear of being singled out in a group. There most definitely are a lot of people that crave attention and will do or say anything.

I remember back in my early 20’s I loved telling people that the Montrel Expos drafted me, however, a knee injury ended my lifelong dream. The funny thing is other than one year at the YMCA I never played baseball. The closest thing to baseball I have ever gotten was collecting baseball cards and trading them on weekends with my friends in the neighborhood. I always attempted to look, sound, or act like I was worth 100x what I was. Crazy thing, the things I truly did do was far crazier than being a minor league player or a successful business owner. Sad thing for me was I couldn’t discuss any of it. I tried sharing it with my first wife and when she left me everything, I told her almost landed me in a lot of legal troubles.

Many parents go out of their way to make sure their children are fed, clothed, have a roof over their heads, but then turn around and deprive the child the most important thing they need/want, attention and affection. Divorce, depression, suicide, murder, and rage could see a major reduction in their numbers if only people felt loved and desired. Being around a lot of Godly men, I see the need/desire every day. It’s easy for me to spot because I am one of those people. I have to the center of attention. I must always give my two cents. I have the perfect answer for every question. I wanted attention so bad that I made it my mission to have 100% of my friend’s minorities. When I was in my 20’s and 30’s all my friends called me White Chocolate. I never had a white friend until I was in my late 40’s. I went to a church in Arlington where I was one of 3 white people. I was mad at God and hated him so much, I wanted everyone to know it. I did everything I could to make a Christian doubt their faith. I loved telling people I was a Satanists, and that Anton Lavay, Marylan Manson and Rob Zombie were my hero’s.

Choosing to live a Christian lifestyle and building a relationship with my Heavenly Father back in October of 2022 wasn’t an easy decision. I loved my Coke, my porn, my music, being a bully, degrading anyone and everyone I could. I loved to hear, “Watch out, don’t get on his bad side, he is a jerk.” Every other word was the F word. I didn’t care at all. I loved playing the victim. Nothing was my fault; it was everyone around me. Now, that I want out of living that way it isn’t easy. I don’t always understand kindness, love, grace, and being thankful. I don’t know how to share time and attention with anyone. My biggest struggle at this moment is learning to accept that all my brothers and sisters are on the same level. Boy, do I hate that. I want a tier system. I have given up secular music, cursing, porn, drugs, being shady, stealing, taking advantage of whoever I could. I want God to go in a dream to pastors, preachers, music artist and anyone that has status in life and tell them that Oxford Nordberg is his favorite son, that he has set him apart from everyone else.

I want people to see me drive up in my 2026 Toyota MR2, with 20-inch rims, wrapped in black hologram film with neon lights all around it. Getting out with gold dripping off me like it was on sale at the 99-cent store. I want everyone to listen to my radio station and wear my clothes.

I don’t know about y’all, but that dream is hard to give up and choose to look at God’s will first and foremost. Maybe y’all are a lot better at that than I am, but I got to be honest here. It’s a bugger letting it go. Once you cross that threshold there is no turning back. Oh, you can walk away or try and hide, ask Adam how that worked out for him, but it won’t do any good.

I’m on a journey. A journey to get to know the “invisible men” that truly shape my everyday life. I’m no different than all of the men in the bible. I’m scared, I’m afraid to give in and let go. I don’t want to give up control, which I don’t really have anyway, but I tell myself that to make me feel better.

God loves each and every one of us. He knows our struggles, our fears, our desires. Give him a chance and he’ll turn it all around and turn you into someone you never dreamed you could be. I hope you choose to join me on this journey.